We do not want complacent pupils, but eager ones: we seek to sow life in the child rather than theories, to help the child grow mentally, socially, emotionally and physically."

Dr Maria Montessori (1870-1952)

Carmelagiri CMI Public School, Munnar, Kerala

Carmelagiri CMI Public School, Munnar, Kerala

THE GREATEST THOUGHT

Supposing I said there was a planet without schools or teachers, where study was unknown, and yet the inhabitants—doing nothing but living and walking about—came to know all things, to carry in their minds the whole of learning; would you not think I was romancing? Well, just this, which seems so fanciful as to be nothing but the invention of a fertile imagination, is a reality. It is the child's way of learning. This is the path he follows. He learns everything without knowing he is learning it, and in doing so he passes little by little from the unconscious to the conscious, treading always in the paths of joy and love.

Dr. Maria Montessori, MD

Clay Modelling

Clay Modelling

Children Of The World

Children Of The World

FUN WITH CLAY

FUN WITH CLAY
"Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy


CHILDREN - THE GIFT OF GOD


God sent me three packages
That needed special care
"Take care of these tiny gifts
For they are very rare."
"Watch over them with all your love
And let them feel your touch
Take care of their every need
For you are needed very much."
"These gifts will grow up very fast
As you soon will see
Love them with all your heart
And let them be what they will be."
"When these gifts have fully grown
Look at Heaven up above
Know they exist because of God
And all his precious love."

By

Sandra Tolson

GIFTED CHILDREN

GIFTED CHILDREN: THE INDIAN SCENARIO
Education can be the most effective way of giving equal opportunity and getting rid of differences among us. In a democratic country like India, it is considered a fundamental right for citizens to get education. Primary education has a lot of importance in our country, it is essential for children to get education at least till primary.India has progressed a lot in the field of education and professionals from various fields from our Institutions are doing very well all around the world. There are three major bodies in the educational planning committee :1. National Council of Educational Research and Training (NCERT), Delhi.2. National Institute of Educational Planning And Administration (NIEPA).3. University Grants Commission (UGC).
To nurture talents of students in our country :
1.
Government of India has launched a scheme called "Navodaya Vidhalaya Scheme" to identify gifted children and give them quality education.
2.
National Talent Search Scheme.
3.
National Level Examinations conducted by the NCERT, for Mental Ability Test and Scholastic Aptitude Test at state level. (MAT / SAT)
However our focus should be to search talents in schools, so that we could cater to a larger number of children.New Horizons for the Gifted ChildrenInternational Organizations like World Council Gifted and Talented Children (WCGTC), National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), Asia pacific federation of the WCGTC Institute of Gifted Children (IGC) and Research Centre for Gifted Children, Chennai hold regular programmes, workshops, seminars and conferences for parents, teachers and other people working with gifted and talented children.Counselling for Gifted ChildrenCounselling is important for the complete development of gifted children. Parents and teachers are very important in helping the gifted, understand their problems and overcome them. Any kind of stress that gifted children undergo due to high expectations from parents, teachers and peers could be reduced with support from the same, making things a little easier at home or school.At times, when gifted children are trying to live up to their parents expectations they may face conflicts of competition and higher achievement which need to be handled by professional counsellors who are experienced and well equipped. The most frequent issues faced by gifted children (Specially during the schooling years than the preschool years) include the following :
1.
What makes them so different from the others feeling different?
2.
Feeling inadequate at times, when not being able to perform as expected causing emotional disturbances at times.
3.
Extremely sensitive, may get upset or hurt easily. May not like being compared to siblings or peers.
4.
Inability to express ones frustration or anger easily and feel upset all the time
5.
Highly critical of self.
6.
Show deep concern for moral values and being just and fair to everyone. Will dislike being rude and disrespectful towards elders.
7.
Lack of understanding from others may lead to a communication gap between the gifted and the others i.e. parents, teachers or peers.
Teachers as counsellorsTeachers in school should be trained in understanding and counselling gifted children, this can be of great help to these children in the school environment itself.A teacher as a counseller in a classroom set up is of an advantage for the gifted child :
1.
As she can be of regular assistance in the classroom itself.
2.
Common issues or problems faced by the gifted can be dealt through a group activity. e.g. If an observant teacher comes across a gifted child with a problem of low self esteem she can plan a group role play on a similar situation to be enacted where in the children are asked to come up with solutions for the same.
3.
Social, emotional and academic issues can also be well handled in an integrated manner by the teacher herself.
4.
The teacher can always provide an ongoing, continuous, appropriate and immediate motivation in the classroom.
Career Counselling for the giftedGifted children should be counseled with regard to their strengths and abilities and various areas of interest so as to enable them to choose an appropriate field of study to be pursued as a career later on. There are many psychological tests on aptitude, personality, interests and careers, which could be of help when counselling the gifted.Career guidance at an early age can help us channelize their abilities more constructively and effectively. Schools should organize exhibitions and talks related to career guidance.Take a look at this list to know your child1. Enjoys learning.2. Shows curiosity by asking questions.3. Learns things easily, has a good retention.4. Good observantion.5. Has knowledge about one or more subjects.6. Has confidence.7. Enjoys socializing.8. Takes pride in what he does.9. Cooperates with everyone.10. Can be relied upon and responsible.11. Has a good sense of humour.12. Is well organized and planned.13. Completes a given task before doing another task.14. Enjoys writing stories or composing poems.15. Like to collects things.16. Likes to plan games and activities.17. Likes to read.18. Enjoys constructing or creating something .19. Does not get frustrated for everything.20. Likes going to school.

GREAT THOUGHTS ON CHILDREN

One word best reflects high educational ideals. That word is magnanimity. Go ahead, pronounce the word again. I find it does get easier to roll off the tongue the more it's spoken.
What is "magnanimity," and what place can it have in your home school? Magnanimity is generosity or nobility of mind or greatness of soul. This quality of mind and greatness of spirit comes about with a combination of "high thinking" and "lowly living." A magnanimous person thinks great thoughts but also is generous in overlooking injury or insult - for example, he or she rises above pettiness or animosity.
Home school is the best place to raise children to be magnanimous. We can hold up Jesus Christ as the perfect example of magnanimity for our children. We can endeavor to be like Him. We can teach our children to share even when it is hard, to forgive when it doesn't seem fair, give them opportunities to absorb the principle of magnanimity, and eventually see them turn into magnanimous persons themselves.
Was there ever a time when magnanimous minds were more needed? Charlotte Mason bid us to "endow our children, not only with a multitude of ideas, but with the greatest ideas and most noble thoughts mankind has to offer, springing from great minds in every sphere of human relationships." A person who contemplates these noble and great thoughts in humility will not become "high-brow" but magnanimous. It was her hope and prayer that magnanimity may be a character trait common to all students.
Begin with a Regular Diet of Ideas
Charlotte Mason wrote in her Philosophy of Education that "the work of education is greatly simplified when we realize that children, apparently all children want to know all human knowledge." Children are born with all the curiosity they will ever need. It will last a lifetime if they are fed upon a daily diet of ideas. For finding ideas in "every sphere of human relationships," we can go to the Bible and to the humanities. With the Bible, children can develop a relationship with God and learn to desire righteousness. With the humanities, children see as a painters sees by studying great art. They learn to feel as a poet feels by reading poetry aloud. They listen to great music and read the best literature (including heroic biography) and plays. They observe closely the wonders God has made in nature. They pick up noble ideas and train their consciences.
Children Naturally Understand Good Books
While Charlotte Mason was alive, hundreds of teachers following her principles wrote to her describing the same experience - watching children pick up ideas from well-written books. Charlotte said, "The finding of this power which is described as 'sensing a passage,' is as the striking of a vein of gold in that fabulously rich country, human nature." Those teachers found that "children have a natural aptitude for literary expression which they enjoy in hearing and reading and employ in telling or writing."
Unfortunately ideas are often left out of school textbooks. The speeches and sayings of historical or scientific figures are often excluded, for example. The editors, Miss Mason said, "consider these sayings too much cultivated rhetoric to be possible for any but the highly educated. The time is coming when we shall perceive that only minds like those of children are capable of producing thoughts so fresh and so finely expressed. This natural aptitude for literature, or shall we say, rhetoric, which overcomes the disabilities of a poor vocabulary without effort, should direct the manner of instruction we give."
If regular school books do not contain ideas, we must search to find books that do. According to Miss Mason, "only those which have the terseness and vividness proper to literary work [should be] put in the hands of children."
The chatter of the oral lesson where the teacher paraphrases a chapter for the children was ruled out of Charlotte's schools and home schools. Paraphrasing became the children's work, not the teacher's work, as they spoke and wrote. A natural desire for knowledge was retained and the children grew as they were fed a diet of real literature and did the mental "chewing" themselves. This is a method she used to help form magnanimous minds.
Give Them "Mind-Stuff"
Charlotte said that our business as teachers is to give children mind-stuff, and both quality and quantity are essential. "The children ask for bread and we give them a stone; we give information about objects and events which the mind does not attempt to digest but casts out bodily upon the examination paper. But let information hang upon a principle, be inspired by an idea, and it is taken with avidity and used in making whatsoever the spiritual nature stands for tissue in the physical."
"Easy" is Not Always Interesting
To make learning easy or entertaining is today the sole purpose of too many teachers. But easy learning is often little learning, even though these teachers are acting as if "easy" and "interesting" were synonymous.
Some children do not find it easy to read and narrate back in their own words, but they do grow in greater skill and knowledge when they practice these. Our part is finding all those lovely, living books spoken of by Charlotte Mason.
Where to Search?
Scrounge around the local library, glean through home school catalogs, dust off old piles of books in a used-book store. You will find books that "live," that your children will be eager to narrate to you in their own words. Your search will be work, but it is the rewarding kind. As a result of your search. some books may have to be cast aside, as they do not spark your children's desire to narrate. No need to mourn over these. There are plenty of books to go around. Try another.
Look for unusual books that inspire noble ideas in a variety of subjects. For example: So many naturalists share their observations with us that it would be a pity for children to be only exposed to a textbook on the subject. I love what the hymn writers had to say about nature in dozens of old hymns. Why not learn these as part of your study of magnanimity?
There are so many biographies and historical novels with admirable heroes that it would be a pity, too, if the only view of history a child receives is that of the textbook. Although some textbooks work well in a home school, providing a framework on which to build, younger students are rarely able to narrate from them.
What about Holes?
Many parents lack confidence to stray from the textbook. They worry about those haunting holes. With Charlotte Mason's method, your children fill in the holes. You just work at knitting the net. Like the netted hammock, though it is filled with holes, it will securely uphold its owner.
Work at expanding their horizons. Support them with a wide and generous curriculum, a net full of living books and experiences. They will slowly fill in the holes over the years with these. Meanwhile drills and skills are developed beginning with consistent short lessons. The length of these skill lessons gradually increase with the student's age and ability.
An Ideal Goal
As long as your educational goal is to raise magnanimous children, if you follow Charlotte's advice you will keep the bases covered. Living books (literature), the humanities, nature study, and narration work well with both the dull and the bright child, with both young and old people. They give power to the diligent and set the captive fact-laden mind free to imagine and explore. To Miss Mason, every well-reared person is one who has become magnanimous. He is a person who practices high thinking and lowly living. I invite you to make magnanimity a goal in your home schooling endeavors.

Dealing With Children

Although aggressive behavior such as hitting, screaming, and even biting is not seen as all that unusual from a child of one or two years of age, the same conduct in children merely a year or two older is often seen as cruel and problematic. Controlling feelings and emotions is, however, a learned skill and can be very difficult to master (even for some adults!).

Staying calm and collected not only requires a fair amount of self-control and discipline, but also a basic understanding of appropriate social behavior and morality. Most children under the age of five or six have a minimal comprehension of what exactly is socially acceptable, at least beyond pleasing Mom or Dad. Even then, some children may find it difficult to control their temper and yet there is often a difference between a child who is deceptively ‘acting out' (which is rare, and often due to an unstable or unsafe home environment) and one who is simply trying to be assertive.



The majority of children do not recognize their own strength or even the full consequences of their actions; and in a world where they are often being told what to do, where to go and how to behave, it does not seem all that unreasonable that they may sometimes need to speak out and be heard. Those school-aged children who continue to act obnoxiously or aggressively may have never experienced the opportunity of being truly listened to in a loving environment. Listening, on the part of parents involves not only hearing your children's jokes and laughter, but perhaps more importantly hearing about those hurt, angered and unhappy emotions as well. So often, children are not allowed to speak negatively, complain, or offer a difference of opinion and thus their feelings continue to build up until one day they may unintentionally vent or lash out. It is important to remember, however, that hearing your children out does not mean submitting to their every whim or desire.

Aside from releasing pent up emotions, children who behave aggressively may also do so because they have been rewarded for the conduct. Parents may have hoped to raise a child who is strong and able to stand up for him- or herself in rough situations. More commonly, parents may have inadvertently reinforced the aggressive behavior through attention. Indeed, even nagging or punishing children for acting aggressively can make it more likely that they will act that way in the future. Imagine, if you will, a child quietly piecing a puzzle together or even playing a video game. He/She has almost completed the puzzle/game but cannot get the final pieces/play to come together. Throughout this quiet half an hour the parent has been around but has said absolutely nothing. Nothing, that is until the child becomes obviously frustrated and throws the puzzle/game across the room and begins screaming or swearing loudly. At this point the parent intervenes by reprimanding the child and sending him/her to their room. It would appear that the parent has done everything appropriate in this situation, except for the fact that the only attention this child received during the time period was negative. If this is commonly the case, the child may begin to feel that any attention is better than no attention and as a result may continue to act out disruptively in daily activities. When dealing with aggressive children, it is worth the effort to praise even the smallest attempt at proper behavior, while paying very little if any attention to negative conduct. Praise can be a very strong motivator.

It is also important to remember that behavior can be very difficult to change and that it takes a lot of patience. Turning an aggressive child into a nonaggressive child will not happen overnight, and the odd outburst may even occur once the behavior has seemed to restore itself.

In dealing with aggressive children, regardless of their age, here are a few suggestions to consider:

KNOW THE TRIGGERS

Whether it be rush hour traffic or spilled juice, everyone has those things that really aggravate or irritate them, and children are no different. While they may not be as great at expressing what upsets them, things like a late meal, a missed soccer game, or even a forgotten bedtime story can really agitate children and make them angry. Knowing that your child becomes easily upset under certain circumstances allows parents or care-givers to avoid or work around these situations -- or at the very least, be prepared for them. It might be helpful to keep a journal to figure out what times of day or what occurs prior to each time your child becomes upset. If mornings are difficult for your child, perhaps allow them some extra time to wake up or do not ask a whole lot form them at this point in time. If not being allowed to purchase a toy from the store usually sends them into a tantrum, warn them ahead of time or if possible just leave them at home.

AVOID PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT

It can be very easy to become angered and even outraged at a misbehaving child, especially an older one who probably should know better. Just be cautious of how you express your feelings, because the children are always watching and learning from you. Yelling or hitting an already angered and destructive child seems only to up the anti. If you expect your children to act responsibly and calmly, be sure to do so yourself. And remember, even a ten or twelve year-old girl or boy is still a child. Children do not form intent the same way adults do and often have little desire to hurt or upset you. They merely need to express themselves and have not yet learned to do so in a socially acceptable manner.

KNOW YOUR CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT

Everyone is born with a unique temperament or personality. Some people tend to be more reserved or timid, while others are always outgoing and spontaneous. Similarly, some children tend to be more outwardly assertive and aggressive and others less so. Knowing your child's personality allows you the advantage of foresight. If your child does not do well with unexpected occurrences, try to keep his or her day routine. Use the insight.

BE A ROLE MODEL

This is perhaps the hardest part of being a parent or caregiver. Role-modeling your own behavior can be difficult even in the easiest of times, but particularly if arguing or fighting is a common occurrence in your household. Nevertheless, you should not expect from others that which you cannot put forth yourself. Even the odd volatile joke or sarcastic remark can be misinterpreted by children, so watch not only your actions but also your words. Being a role model not only involves controlling your own emotions, but also teaching your children how to express theirs — both good and bad— appropriately. Modeling support and compassion for others is an important beginning place, so you may want to volunteer some of your time. Simply bring your neighbor some fresh cut flowers or a fruit basket to say "hello". Visit sick children in the hospital. Work at the food bank with your children over the Christmas holidays. Be the kind of person that you would like your child to grow up to be.

EXPRESS YOURSELF

Along the same lines as being a role model, be sure to give your children the chance to see all of your own personal emotions. Modeling appropriate behavior should not be equated with hiding your feelings or fears from them. It is important for your children to see that you are also human, and that it is possible to have the esteem and self-control to act rationally even when feelings may not be.

REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR

Although some parents may see rewards as a form of bardering or bribery, it does not have to be that extreme. It also can work really well for older children who in no other way seem to want to stop their aggressive tendencies. Offering your children well-deserved praise, a play at the park, or an opportunity to play at a friends house for proper conduct can work wonders. The key is to inform them of what is first expected, to reward them soon if not immediately after they obey, and to always withhold any and all rewards if they do not obey. So for example, if your child has made it through a shopping trip without any yelling, crying, or hitting, you may want to stop at the park with them on the way home as a thank you. Offering them the park the next day is already too late as it gives them the chance to act inappropriately in the mean time. For rewards to work effectively they also cannot be given to your children if they have not done what was expected of them. Toys can be used as well, but they are not advised and it is always best to start off small otherwise your child may be asking for things each and every time he or she behaves. The best kind of reward is praise. Children need to know their parents are proud of them.

STAY CALM

No matter how agitated, upset, or aggressive your child becomes, it is much easier for them to relax if you are also calm. Despite your own concern, do not try to rationalize with them until they have calmed down. Try sending them into their room, or if you have to take yourself out of the situation and stay in your own bedroom or bathroom. If they become overly violent or aggressive you may need to take drastic measures. Call the police if necessary, but stay calm. The more aggravated your child sees you become the more power he or she has gained over you and the more likely he will be to repeat the behavior.

UNCONCERNED CHILDREN

As a final note, if your child tends to be destructive often and does not seem to benefit from appropriate parental intervention, or actually seems to enjoy harming others, please seek professional advice.

Nine Key Qualities to Cultivate in Children


Children benefit immensely when parents, their first gurus, teach thoughtfully with specific goals in mind

Published in:
Hinduism Today
July/August/September 2002

Every father and mother is indeed a guru in fact, an individual's first guru, teaching by example, explanation, giving advice and direction. When we think of gurus, we automatically think of teaching, thus looking at parents as gurus highlights the importance of what parents teach their children, grandchildren and possibly even their great grandchildren.

A swami is an individual's second spiritual guru. A simple analogy will point out why swamis are deeply concerned about what parents teach their children. Imagine being a young man or woman's second dance teacher. If the first teacher has not been systematic in teaching the basics of dance, the second teacher may end up spending years undoing what the first teacher ineptly taught before he can advance the student further.

A common problem many individuals have when entering adult life is a negative self-concept. This is the sense of feeling that you are inherently flawed and inferior and that others are vastly superior to you. Parents create this in their children through frequent critical comments, such as "How could you do such a stupid thing?" "You're so dumb!" "You'll never amount to anything." It can take the swami years of working with the individual to help him replace a low self-esteem with a sense of personal worth. This would be totally unnecessary if the parents had raised the child wisely to cultivate good character.

There are nine key qualities we want our children to possess in order to be happy, religious and successful when they reach adulthood. We will explore each of these to see what children should be taught, or not taught, by the parents to develop that quality.

1. Positive Self-Concept is when we think of ourselves as a worthy individual deserving of a wonderful life. Unfortunately, many children reach adulthood with a negative self-concept, feeling that others are better than they are and life has little to offer. A negative self-concept is developed through verbally running down a child. This can occur in two distinct situations. The first is simply making these kinds of remarks as a form of teasing or joking. This, of course, needs to be stopped and replaced with remarks that encourage and praise the child. Parents should also not allow their children to call each other names, such as fat or lame. When it comes to correcting misbehavior, it is wise to distinguish between the person and the behavior. The behavior was foolish, not the person. For example, "What you did was very foolish, but you are smart, and I'm sure you now know better and won't do that again." Having a positive concept about his outer self allows the child to accept the Hindu teaching that his inner self is a divine being, a radiant soul.

2. Perceptive Self-Correction is when we are able to quickly learn the lesson from each experience and resolve not to repeat our mistake. How do parents develop this quality? By teaching kids that making mistakes is not bad. Everyone makes mistakes. It is natural and simply shows we do not understand something. It is important for the parent to determine what understanding the child lacks and teach it to him without blame. When parents discipline through natural and logical consequences, children are encouraged to learn to reflect on the possible effects of their behavior before acting. Such wisdom can be nurtured through encouraging self-reflection, asking the child to think about what he did and how he could avoid making that mistake again. Perceptive self-correction enables us to quickly learn from our mistakes, refine our behavior accordingly and thereby make more rapid progress on the spiritual path.

3. Powerful Self-Control is restraining destructive emotions, such as anger, when we are tempted to express them. How is such control cultivated in children? It is through parents never expressing such emotions themselves. Children learn, by observing their parents, whether it's acceptable to behave emotionally or not. It is by referring often to the ten restraints of Hinduism's Code of Conduct, known as the yamas, finding illustrations of these ideals in daily life, on television and in movies. The yamas are noninjury, truthfulness, nonstealing, divine conduct, patience, steadfastness, compassion, honesty, moderate appetite and purity. It is through emphasizing the traditional Hindu imperative to maintain chastity until marriage. Self-control leads to self-mastery, enabling one to be more successful in achieving outer and inner goals.

4. Profound Self-Confidence is exemplified when a child is confronted with a difficult task and his first response is the certainty that he can accomplish it. Unfortunately, many children reach adulthood lacking self-confidence and have as their first response the feeling that they will be unable to accomplish the task, as it is too difficult. How is profound self-confidence cultivated? It is first through the child's possessing a positive self-concept. It is then through helping the child be successful at progressively more difficult tasks as he or she grows up. A pattern of many successes going into our subconscious mind is what produces the sense of self-confidence and the feeling that we will be equal to any task. For example, a father teaches his son carpentry from age ten through eighteen. Each year the father helps the son make something that is more complex, never giving him a project that is too advanced, praising each achievement. Self-confidence is cultivated by watching for failures at school or at home and compensating for them. If the child is shy and has trouble at school with public speaking, work personally or through a tutor to overcome that shyness so he or she can speak successfully at school in the future. Self-confidence makes one magnetic to success in both outer and inner endeavours.

5. Playful Self-Contentment is expressed when a child's usual mood is fun-loving, happy and satisfied. How is this developed? It is through the parents living and verbalizing the philosophy that life is meant to be lived joyously. It is by holding the perspective that happiness does not depend on external circumstances but is a consciousness we can claim, whether life is free of or filled with challenges. It is by teaching the children to be satisfied with what they have in the present rather than dissastified about what they don't have. It is nurtured by the family spending time together filled with play and laughter. The ability to remain fun-loving, joyful, secure and content enables one to face with far greater equanimity the ups and downs of life.

6. Pious Character is expressed when we naturally treat others with kindness, generosity and appreciation. It is fulfilled when we seek the blessings of God, Gods and guru throughout life. How can this be cultivated? It is through the parents demonstrating these qualities themselves. Children learn that this behavior is expected of them by observing their parents' actions. It is by referring often to the ten observances of Hinduism's Code of Conduct, known as the niyamas, and pointing out their relevance in daily life, on TV and in movies. The niyamas are remorse, contentment, giving, faith, worship of the Lord, scriptural listening, cognition, sacred vows, recitation and austerity. It is nurtured by teaching the child to worship and pray in the home shrine or at the temple before important events such as beginning a new school year or before final examinations. Pious conduct brings into our life the joys of Divine blessings.

7. Proficiency in Conflict Resolution is exemplified when we work out disagreements with others by using intelligence and seeking for a win-win situation. How is this cultivated in youth? It is through the parents demonstrating these qualities themselves. Children learn that this behavior is expected of them by observing their parents' actions. It is by sitting down with children any time they use anger, physical force or verbal injury to prevail in a conflict and discussing with them how it could have been settled with intelligence rather than violence. It is through replacing the idea of "I want me to win and you to lose" with that of "I win when everybody wins." Illustrations of what to do and what not to do can be drawn from the people they see in television and movies. It is nurtured by parents following the wisdom of resolving their husband-and-wife disagreements before going to sleep, as this teaches by example the importance of facing and solving a conflict rather than fleeing from it. Proficiency in conflict resolution keeps our life sublime and our subsconscious mind free of the disturbances caused by memories of unresolved disagreements.

8. Parental Closeness is fulfilled when children reach adulthood and choose to spend time with their parents because they really enjoy being with them. A strong bond of love and understanding exists. Sadly, we know of many instances when a boy reached adulthood, moved out of the home and maintained as little contact with his father as possible. How then is parental closeness developed? It is through expressing love by hugging and saying often the three magic words "I love you." Distance is developed by never expressing love. Closeness is nurtured by correcting a child's misbehavior with positive discipline methods, such as time-out and appropriate natural and logical consequences, and using reason without blame and shame. The use of physical violence, anger, irrational punishments, blame and shame cause distance. Closeness comes when quality time is spent together in activities that all members of the family enjoy. It is developed by the father bonding with his sons and the mother bonding with her daughters, through developing common interests in hobbies or games and working on them together. It is protected when parents create a nonthreatening atmosphere of love in their home in which their children feel free to tell them everything they have done without fear of the consequences. They know their parents love them no matter what. Distance develops in a threatening atmosphere where children will keep secrets, each secret adding to the distance between the child and the parents. A loving relationship between child and parents powerfully influences all subsequent relationships, even one's relationship with God.

9. Prejudice-Free Consciousness manifests when we see God in everyone and embrace differences of ethnic background and religion. Are we born with prejudices? Absolutely not! These are all learned, at home, at school and elsewhere. How is a prejudice-free consciousness developed? It is through teaching our children that the whole world is our family and all human beings are divine beings. It is through complete avoidance of remarks which are racially or religiously prejudiced. It is through discussing with our children any prejudice they hear from others at school and elsewhere and correcting it. It is by teaching children to avoid generalizations about people and, instead, to think about specific individuals and the qualities they have. Again, television and movies can provide useful situations to discuss. It is through having our children meet, interact and learn to feel comfortable with children of other ethnicities and religions. Tolerant individuals help communities function with less friction and misunderstanding.

Summary: A wise mother wrote to me recently on e-mail saying, "I truly believe we live out part of our karma through our children, and we grow and improve as they do." Though we may think we are just helping our children be more happy, successful and religious, in truth we cannot separate ourselves from them. Their growth and spiritual evolution is our own as well.

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